Contestant #2 for D.O.A.P.O.W. Week #2

Congratulations Lisa Quinn! You are in the running for our Person of the week for week #2! For years the nation had to listen to people like you tell us what we should be letting our children watch on TV. That video games and music need to be lapelled and that the fluoride the government is putting in our water will help them control our minds. Actually, your last point make sense... but anyway, it's time for the few of us that take our meds in the morning to point at you and say a big collective "Holy Fucking Shit, That Bitch is Crazy!"

The Baltimore Sun recently ran a story on people who see religious messages from god on everyday items, like a side of toast. Lisa was lucky enough to be featured in the article. Here's a snippet in case you missed it and don't want to commit to the link put above. "Lisa Quinn was just about to scrape the skillet clean when the odd-shaped bit of half-cooked pancake caught her eye.

Just the night before, the Harford County woman had asked her boys to get out of bed and onto the floor to say their prayers properly. Now her eyes widened at the uncanny rendering of a kneeling figure - hands folded, head bowed, mouth forming a little 'O' - in the semi-cooked clump of Aunt Jemima pancake batter.

To Quinn, whose family had begun to worship in a nondenominational church in Joppa months earlier, the image was an affirmation from on high.

"I think it's definitely a sign," says the 34-year-old mother of three, nodding at the three-week-old artifact that rests next to a porcelain angel atop her bedroom dresser. "As much as we've brought the Lord into our lives the last couple of months, I think it's a miracle."

Later in the article one is confronted with this gem of a passage "Ben Cachiaras, the Quinns' pastor at Mountain Christian, says God reveals himself in several ways: in Scripture and in Jesus, in the changes he works in the lives of his believers and in the good they do in the world.

"For all I know, God is sending out signs in pancakes and grilled-cheese sandwiches," Cachiaras says. "I have no doubt he could, if he wanted to."

That's right, God has decided that all of our current mediums of communication are too mundane and commercial. So he has decided to communicate like any other super human power would, through pancake batter and grilled-cheese sandwiches. I just checked the voice mail on my Cheeze-its, no messages from the Lord...yet.

It's easy to write that last paragraph. Unfortunately, about the time I got to the words "no messages," I realized that these folks have taken control of our country. They have organized in a fashion that most of us never thought possible and that as long as we remain unorganized, the visions they see in toppings on their pizza bites will be dictating the way our government works. "Wow, if I didn't know better, I would swear those pepperoni slices looked like.. oh my god...that's criminal. We need to get these things banned immediately."