Dinosaurs on The Ark

Here's why dinosaurs aren't in the bible

2008-12-15T06:32:00.000-08:00

Palin fed animals on the Ark!

2008-09-28T16:04:00.000-07:00

Soon after Sarah Palin was elected mayor of the foothill town of Wasilla, Alaska, she startled a local music teacher by insisting in casual conversation that men and dinosaurs coexisted on an Earth created 6,000 years ago -- about 65 million years after scientists say most dinosaurs became extinct -- the teacher said. More

Put your Palin flavored Kool-Aid down!

2008-09-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

Every voter jumping on the Sarah Palin train like some crazed boy named Levi jumping on a girl named after a town in CT should be forced to watch this video and defend their position.

I wasn't alive to see Michelangelo paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. I wasn't born yet when The Beatles toured. And I probably won't ever get out to see that Japanese dude eat all them hotdogs. But goddamn, seeing Jon Stewart at his absolute best running circles around cable news douchebags is almost as good.

I love it when a plan comes together

2008-09-03T13:51:00.000-07:00

I need to get this enlarged for the bedroom

2008-08-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

My new favorite cartoon

2008-06-19T12:06:00.001-07:00

FAIL!

2008-06-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

I thought religion was supposed to be inclusive. I get their problems with the sex perverts and the Mormons, but why do they hate the ankle biters? Aren't ankle biters kids or little kids? This is a pretty exclusive club. Where do I apply?

Just in case you were wondering

2008-04-21T09:42:00.001-07:00

A chart showing public acceptance of evolution in 34 countries. The United States ranked near the bottom, beat only by Turkey. Credit: Science

The rest of the world is ahead of us in this too.

It's like Lewis Black read my mind

2008-04-21T09:21:00.001-07:00

I couldn't argue the case against creationism any better.

Hey right-wing nutbags I've got another museum for you!

2008-03-26T18:00:00.001-07:00

Best website/museum of all time. Please give until it hurts!

I take offense at the phrase "dinosaurs were such awful monsters."

2008-01-28T06:55:00.000-08:00

They must have been housebroken, no? I mean, if they weren't, that ark would have just smelled horrendous in the summer. More here.

This may be a bit overboard.

2008-01-17T10:34:00.000-08:00

Governor Huckabee: How were kangaroos created?

2007-12-12T05:22:00.000-08:00

This is an important question because it seems as if M. Huck, a Presidential candidate, doesn't believe in evolution. Instead he thinks that there were a few dogs on Noah's ark that liked to shop. All this shopping meant that they had to learn to walk with two legs so that their other two legs could hold their shopping bags. Eventually, the dogs determined that if they could grow a built in pocket, they would have more room to store things (like spare change, car keys, etc.) when they went to the mall. OK, this may not be exactly what he believes, but it might make more sense than what he really does believe.

You have got to be kidding me

2007-12-04T16:26:00.001-08:00

From Wonkette:
The Catholic Church has gotten tired of all the complaints about priests abusing children and of having to work so hard to keep priests from abusing little kids and to kick them out and stuff. So, the Archdiocese of New York is conducting a cartoon campaign to teach kids how to avoid being abused, because it’s easier to teach a child to fear a priest than to teach a priest to not fuck a child. More

M. Huck has God on speed dial

2007-11-30T08:50:00.000-08:00

This absolutely must be stopped

2007-11-26T17:21:00.001-08:00

I had faith in you. I did, America. WTF happened. The Creationist Museum isn't closing, it's expanding...the Christian Taliban is winning! I disown you. I disown you all.

I endorse Mike Huckabee for President of the United States of America

2007-11-23T19:04:00.000-08:00

Sadly, outside of his work for that home gym system he schleps, this may be some of his best acting.

Louis CK with some insight into the Catholic church

2007-08-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

Is this Right-wing Nutjob Actually Correct?

2006-12-18T08:26:00.000-08:00

Jim Rutz thinks soybeans make you gay. Click on this link to read his column. I can't argue with the premise, maybe just the facts.

Watch it, or I'll Spank The Gay Right Out of You!

2006-10-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

Let's Fu*#-Up The Kids

2006-08-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

When you aren't busy casting doubt on Evolution and destroying the educational curriculum in your children's school systems, dress your kids like dorks.

There is no better way to guarantee that they are never going to get laid than to make them walk around in Armor of God pajamas. That's right, your child is guaranteed to be 100% STD-free when he or she is styling in their Armor of God Pajamas. Just think of the money they will save on contraception! Want more information? Just click here!

Building "God's House"

2006-06-28T06:13:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite news articles to pop-up in a while. Apparently God doesn't require the stringent building codes that man does.

Go Away, Mothra Not Interested

2006-06-28T06:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry, Mothra does not except 45 year-old male virgins for sacrifice. It's in his contract.

A Bit off Topic

2006-04-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 16 June, 2001
"I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straight forward and trustworthy and we had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul. He's a man deeply committed to his country and the best interests of his country and I appreciate very much the frank dialogue and that's the beginning of a very constructive relationship," President Bush said of Vladimir Putin.

April 19, 2006(CNSNews.com) -
An Asian security and economic bloc driven largely by China may soon open its doors to Iran and other contenders for membership, a move that may help to "make the world more fair," a senior Iranian official said. The move comes at a sensitive time in the international dispute over Iran's suspect nuclear activities. While the U.S. seeks to isolate Iran, China and Russia oppose any steps by the U.S. and others to pressure Tehran to back away from its nuclear program.The Shanghai Cooperation Organization (SCO), which currently comprises China, Russia and four Central Asian republics, is preparing for a mid-year summit that is expected to enlarge the group, reform its secretariat, and possibly refocus its agenda.Iran and three other observer nations -- Pakistan, India and Mongolia -- will soon be invited to join as full members, SCO Secretary General Zhang Deguang said last week.

Be afraid, be very afraid of the "judgement" exhibited by our current elected officials of both parties.

We're Getting an Extreme Makeover

2006-04-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

Meet Gus, the bible thumping dino. There's only one thing he likes better than a tasty iguanodon, and that's the new testament!

Living in Alabama Just Got More embarrassing

2006-04-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

http://arenadigest.com/news/2006/april/steeldogs_jerseys.htm

The Leopard is Starting to Show Her Spots...

2006-03-28T06:59:00.000-08:00

...Or is it that the demon is starting to show her horns? Holy crap! What the heck happened to Katherine Harris? From most accounts her run for the Senate in Florida is going down in flames and she has turned to the far right wing of the party for help. But that doesn't justify looking like a transvestite with cheap implants. Does it?

I wanted to start the post by saying "that's a man, baby." But I don't want to offend men with that comment. I am just waiting for the horns to pop out of her forehead. By looking at the guys on the right, I don't think they are looking at her horns... At least not those horns.

A True American Hero

2006-03-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

According to a column on Gather.com, on Wednesday, March 1st, 2006, in Annapolis at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at AU, was requested to testify.

At the end of his testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"

Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

The room erupted into applause.

South Dakota to Criminals: "Wear a Condom, Practice Safe Rape"

2006-03-02T05:27:00.000-08:00

If you are a woman living in South Dakota, you may want to buy stock in South African inventor Sonette Ehler's anti-rape female condom.

South Dakota to their women residents "keep your legs crossed, you shameless whores, you know you wanted it."

Ok, so South Dakota passed an abortion bill so stringent that even W disagrees with it. The law basically forbids any abortion from happening in the state even in cases of rape and incest.

I can see right through this shameless ploy to increase the population of your state. No one will willingly move there. So how else can you increase a population that struggles to sit at 750,000? Make certain that anything conceived in the state is born in the state.

A Little off Topic

2006-02-21T07:33:00.000-08:00

Snaps to friend and fellow blogger CTKROD for pointing out this disturbing story. It seems as if a tiny fundamentalist church travels from military funeral to military funeral to reflect their belief that U.S. combat deaths are a sign God is punishing the United States for harboring homosexuals. Some protestersÂ signs said, ÂThank God for IEDs,Â the improvised explosive devices, or homemade bombs, that kill many U.S. soldiers. What's stopping them from making more noise? More noise. Motorcycle club members calling themselves Patriot Guard Riders are trying to shield mourners from cruel jeers with respectful cheers and revving engines to drown out the insults of protesters.

I am very much against this war, but this is not the way to treat our troops. Good people that truly have been made pawns in a game that shouldn't even be being played.

Snaps to The State of Ohio

2006-02-15T09:46:00.000-08:00

The saucy Deborah Owens Fink debates the merit of Intelligent Design in a recent meeting.

The Ohio Board of Education earned their opposable thumbs by voting 11-4 Tuesday to delete a science standard and correlating lesson plan that encourages students to seek evidence for and against evolution. Critics had called the material an opening to teach intelligent design, which holds that life is so complex it must have been created by a higher authority.

Meanwhile, at a recent public meeting the Kansas Board of Education was mesmerized by a machine touting "movable type." The machine was immediately banned from the state in favor of cursive. Board member Eunice Smith was quoted as saying "if God wanted us to type, we would have all been born with movable type machines for hands." Smith then excused herself saying she was late for "slopp'n down the hogs, and get my man's meal on the table."

Bang Bang, Separation of Church and State is Dead

2006-02-06T10:10:00.000-08:00

The Bush administration are making NASA employees put the word 'theory' in front of references to 'big bang' in NASA publications.

Debate Corner: Evolution or Evilution?

2006-02-01T06:33:00.000-08:00

Here is a great article debating the concept of Evolution from two of the sides involved.

Warning

2006-01-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

One Intelligent Judge

2005-12-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

Dover, PA may be a great place to live! Looks like the rightwing nutjobs ran into a judge with common sense!

Evolution Schmevolution

2005-12-08T05:53:00.000-08:00

This week I would like to introduce the Evolution Schmevolution Score Card. Each week I will update the score card with input from you, my faithful readers. All you need to do is send me a famous person and where they belong on the chart. At the end of the 2006 we will add-up the board and announce the winner, Intelligent Design, Reverse Evolution (Evolution) and Cruel Joke.

So, get your submissions on -- was that urban enough for you?

Silly Me, I thought Intelligent Design Had Nothing to Do With God

2005-11-11T06:01:00.000-08:00

Looks like someone could use a bowl of Total in the morning.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city," Robertson said on the Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club."

Later Thursday, Robertson issued a statement saying he was simply trying to point out that "our spiritual actions have consequences."

"God is tolerant and loving, but we can't keep sticking our finger in his eye forever," Robertson said. "If they have future problems in Dover, I recommend they call on Charles Darwin. Maybe he can help them."

Let's see, he said 9/11 was caused because of homosexuals. He has said that we need to kill the leader of a foriegn state. He also made the statement that in talking with George W. Bush, Bush said there would not be casualties in the Iraq war. Now he is taking on cities for their school board elections. Looks like he is truly a man of God.

It's Official, PA Smarter than KS

2005-11-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

According to Post-Gazette.com, challengers unseated eight out of nine Dover Board of Education members yesterday in a tight race that centered on the issue whether the theory of intelligent design has a place in science classes.

The ninth member of the York County school board was not up for re-election.

The eight board members unseated were all are proponents of a policy -- now the subject of a federal court case -- requiring high school freshmen to hear a statement about intelligent design before biology lessons about evolution.

Meanwhile in Kansas, the state Board of Education approved science standards for public schools Tuesday that cast doubt on the theory of evolution.

The 6-4 vote was a victory for intelligent design advocates who helped draft the standards. Intelligent design holds that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power.

Critics of the new language charged that it was an attempt to inject God and creationism into public schools in violation of the separation of church and state.

"This is a sad day. We're becoming a laughingstock of not only the nation, but of the world, and I hate that," said board member Janet Waugh, a Democrat.

Supporters of the new standards said they will promote academic freedom. "It gets rid of a lot of dogma that's being taught in the classroom today," said board member John Bacon.

In other Kansas election news, Moses has been elected Governor.

I am buying stock in Reynolds

2005-10-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

Tinfoil hats are all the rage at raptureready.com.

Fasten your tinfoil hats boys and girls, according to the Rapture Index on raptureready.com, we need to "fasten our seat belts" -- apparently the world is coming to an end.

I kind of look at Rapture.com as a warning from God that I need to max out my credit cards and have as much cheap meaningless sex as possible. They have to be accurate. They have and index!

Question: The Intelligent Designer is...

2005-10-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

Michael Behe believes that the Hamburglar Could be "the Intelligent Designer."

Answer:
According to Lehigh University professor Michael Behe, it could be someone else other than God. Just read this fine piece of journalism and decide how hard you want to beat Michael Behe with the stupid stick he thinks you were struck with.

For what it's worth, I believe Charles was in Charge, making Scott Baio the Intelligent Designer in question.

Design = Create

2005-10-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

Taken from today's Washington Post.

HARRISBURG, Pa. -- References to creationism in drafts of a student biology book were replaced with the term "intelligent design" by the time it was published, a witness testified Wednesday in a landmark trial over a school board's decision to include the concept in its curriculum.

Drafts of the textbook, "Of Pandas and People," written in 1987 were revised after the Supreme Court ruled in June of that year that states could not require schools to balance evolution with creationism in the classroom, said Barbara Forrest, a philosophy professor at Southeastern Louisiana University.
Forrest reviewed drafts of the textbook as a witness for eight families who are trying to have the intelligent design concept removed from the Dover Area School District's biology curriculum.

The families contend that teaching intelligent design effectively promotes the Bible's view of creation, violating the separation of church and state.

Intelligent design holds that life on Earth is so complex that it must have been the product of some higher force. Opponents of the concept say intelligent design is simply creationism stripped of overt religious references.

Forrest outlined a chart of how many times the term "creation" was mentioned in the early drafts versus how many times the term "design" was mentioned in the published edition.

"They are virtually synonymous," she said.

Under the policy approved by Dover's school board in October 2004, students must hear a brief statement about intelligent design before classes on evolution. The statement says Charles Darwin's theory is "not a fact" and has inexplicable "gaps."

Forrest also said that intelligent-design proponents have freely acknowledged that their cause is a religious one. She cited a document from the Discovery Institute, a Seattle-based think tank that represents intelligent-design scholars, that says one of its goals is "to replace materialistic explanations with the theistic understanding that nature and human beings are created by God."

Under cross-examination by school board lawyer Richard Thompson, Forrest acknowledged that she had no evidence that board members who voted for the curriculum change had either seen or heard of the Discovery Institute document.

The trial began Sept. 26 and is expected to last as long as five weeks.

Words I Never Thought I Would Type: "Snaps for Warren Schmaus"

2005-10-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

Photo of a guy named Warren.

I never thought I would type the words "let's give snaps to Warren Schmaus." Let's face it, there aren't too many guys left named Warren. The ones that are left may not be the boldest guys around. That's why I was surprised to find this article in the Minnesota Daily.

All those people that chose you last in gym class should be ashamed.

I can't "get my head around" this idea

2005-09-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

There is a team of scholars working on secular bible text for schools. How the heck is this possible?

Click here for the full scoop.

Click here if you like yours with lettuce and tomato.

More on Scopes II

2005-09-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

We have been receiving a lot of email lately asking us to consider penis pumps, new flooring, music with 0% interest and one piece of mail from the guy pictured above. His name is Chip Roberts. Chip believes that we are biased against Intelligent Design and that before we mock something, we need to understand that side of the story. We have asked Chip to construct what he believes is the other side we should take into consideration. Look for something from Chip in the next few weeks!

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/culture/articles/050928/28religion.htm?track=rss

Intelligent Design on Trial Today

2005-09-26T05:25:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I couldn't find a comic of lovable drunk Andy Capp explaining Intelligent Design -- don't fret, I am sure that the Garfield catalog has a take or two...They've got to be in the chapters between Lasagna and Mondays.

HARRISBURG, Pa. The latest chapter in the legal debate over teaching evolution in public schools unfolds in Pennsylvania today. The Dover Area School district is defending its policy that ninth-grade students have to hear about "intelligent design" before biology lessons on evolution.

Dover is believed to be the first school system in the nation to require students be exposed to the concept.

Intelligent design holds that Charles Darwin's theory of natural selection cannot fully explain the origin of life or the emergence of highly complex life forms. It implies that life on Earth was the product of an intelligent force.

Critics say intelligent design is merely creationism camouflaged in scientific language, and it does not belong in a science curriculum.

Eight Dover families say the policy violates constitutional separation of church and state.

Dinosaur Adventureland

2005-09-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

Dinosaur Adventureland performers "Hank and Stu" during a recent performance.

As you probably predicted, I just couldn't wait to see what Dinosaur Adventureland was all about. I typed in www.dinosauradventureland.com as quickly as I could and boy was I rewarded! With a site that looks like it came right out of a story from the Onion. PT Barnum himself would be stunned by this menagerie nestled in Pensacoloa, FL. Bonus! They are expanding! Yes sir, they are adding what the call "The One Room Schoolhouse." I imagine it is the future for No Children Left Behind.

I took an online tour of this rat's nest and saw a lot of what I expected -- a peacock that looked old enough to have been on Noah's Ark, a lot of colorfully painted dinos -- you know that God himself bought the Krylon. I guess what I didn't expect was to see that college level classes are being "taught" on premises. For $50 you too can get college credit and meet "Dr. Dino." For those of you that are studying at Junior Colleges to get your grades up before transferring to a 4 year school, here is your ticket to transfer to Yale! I can't see how they could reject you after you get an "A" from Dr. Dino!

I haven't "audited" the great Dr.'s courses, but something tells me he would be better suited to teach a course entitled "using God and Bullshit Science to Get Out of The Trailer Park."

Poor Dinny The Dinosaur

2005-09-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

Meet Dinny the dinosaur. You kind of start out feeling bad for him just because his name is so pathetic. Wait. it gets worse for Dinny. According to a story in Wyoming's News Source, the Casper Star Tribune, Dinny is the latest pawn in the battle between religious zealots spouting the words "Intelligent Design," the way they should be taking their Prozac. Dinny's new owners, pointing to the Book of Genesis, contend that most dinosaurs arrived on Earth the same day as Adam and Eve, some 6,000 years ago, and later marched two by two onto Noah's Ark. The gift shop at the attraction, called the Cabazon Dinosaurs, sells toy dinosaurs whose labels warn, "Don't swallow it! The fossil record does not support evolution."

My favorite quote in the story comes from Kevin Padian, curator at the University of California Museum of Paleontology in Berkeley, "Dinosaurs lived in the Garden of Eden and Noah's Ark? Give me a break...For them, `The Flintstones' is a documentary."

Tune in next week as I try to learn more about Dinosaur Adventure Land. Its slogan: "Where Dinosaurs and the Bible meet!"

It Bubbles up From Your School Boards

2005-09-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder how "concepts" like Intelligent Design get confused with fact and brought into classrooms? It's people like Randy Tomasacci. Randy (his real name, we didn't change it to protect anyone) is a member of the Northwest Area School Board in PA. According to the Times Leader, Tomasacci has been pushing for the introduction of intelligent design into Northwest Area classrooms for months, insisting he wants to "do it right," and avoid bitter disputes that have developed in other districts.

Tomasacci, a former minister with the Assemblies of God Churches in Muncy and Shickshinny, said he believes intelligent design could be taught in science classes, but added he is no expert and it could be better-suited to other classes such as religion or philosophy, particularly if such a move avoids controversy or a lawsuit.

He also said he believes it can be done without provoking legal action or significant cost to the district, but that the risk of a suit shouldn't deter the board from adding it to the curriculum if it decides "it's the right thing to do for the kids."

Definitive bastard isn't he? Well, what do you think the Randmeister does for a living? He and his wife sell whittled Christmas crap online. Don't believe me? Just click here and say "hi" to Mr. and Mrs. Weasel.

It really has to take some doing to fail as a minister. I know the quickest way to get caught as a Priest is to get caught fondling the alter boy's "Holy Spirit." So, he couldn't get into your kid's pants, now he wants to clutter their mind with his fantasies and your living room with his Christmas crap. Thanks Randy!

The Daily Show Takes on Intelligent Design!

2005-09-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

According to the Kansas City Star, beginning tonight, the Daily Show will air "Evolution Schmevolution," a nightly segment examining the scientific theory of life's origins and its faith-based challengers.

Some of the features will include:

"The Daily Show" sent its "correspondents" - improvisational comics who imitate with uncanny accuracy the style of TV news reporters - to two hotbeds of the evolution controversy: Dayton, Tenn., where the 1925 Scopes trial was staged; and the Galapagos Islands, where Charles Darwin conducted his research that formed the basis of his 1859 work, The Origin of Species.

"Daily Show" correspondent Ed Helms also will challenge a "helper monkey" in a battle of minds.

Sounds like good viewing to me!

God Says: "Give me 10 more Crunches, Maggot"

2005-08-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

I have been hearing about religious exercise classes for a while now. But I never had seen results justifying the concept of combing prayer and pilates. Feast your eyes on the pictures above. The power of the spirit compels you to put that Double Whopper down and pick up a copy of the good book.

Pat Robertson: Someone Still Listens to Him

2005-08-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

This story is priceless. If you are asking yourself WWPD? (What Would Pat Do)Pat is calling for the assassination of the President of Venezuela. Nevermind, that it is against the law to assassinate the elected leader of a country. According to the story, Robertson believes the US needs to "to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism." According to the CIA, Venezuela is 96% Roman Catholic. 2% Protestant.

Robertson used his television show, the 700 club to launch his verbal assault. US government officials have been tracking thousands of heavily armed Little Rascal power scooters headed towards Venezuela.

Meet Kansas Board of Education Member John Bacon

2005-08-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

The member of the Bacon family you don't know. John Bacon had nothing to do with the movie Tremors. But if he has his way, your town will be devoid of firewater and dancing just like in Kevin Bacon's Footloose.

You have to feel for Bacon. This condescending ass dumpling appeared on The Lou Dobbs Report yesterday and tried to promote the introduction of Intelligent Design into the classrooms as a way of "discussing controversy in the classroom" and carrying out the bidding of the people he represents. Dobbs tore tore him up like a box of Sudafed at a meth lab.

Here's a line or two from his official bio "John earned his Bachelor's degree in accounting from Mid- America Nazarene University in 1985 and is now self-employed as a certified public accountant. John is a member of the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants. He and his wife, Melanie, have been married for 19 years and have three children. masfosafisafahnsffdf, excuse me, I fell asleep while typing. It seems John left out the fact that he was voted "Most Likely to Be The Virgin Mary's Douche bag" in his high school yearbook.

D.O.A.P.O.W. Week Winner #2 - Cobb County Board of Education

2005-08-19T05:49:00.000-07:00

Congratulations, Cobb County, GA! This sticker you voted to be put on all textbooks was a stroke of genius. It was so well written that a Federal Court judge got carpal tunnel in writing the reasons it needs to be removed.

On the 16th of August Beebe High School science teacher Jeff Wisdom, 25, got to earn his paycheck by tearing pages out of chemistry textbooks in preparation for the first day of class. The best part of this story is that the CHEMISTRY textbook didn't even discuss intelligent design or evolution.

According to the article linked above, "although the stickers begin, "This textbook discusses evolution, a controversial theory...," Wisdom said that was simply not the case. Wisdom said that neither evolution or the concept of an intelligent designer, both of which are discussed in the sticker, appear in his chemistry textbooks.

"The only thing that's ever going to bring up evolution in my classroom is the sticker," Wisdom said. "It's the only place [in the textbook] where evolution is mentioned."

I want to create a square black sticker featuring a large white "A" on it. Underneath the "A" would be the phrase "Asswipe Bible Thumper." I could then visit the Cobb County BOE parking lot and plaster them on the member's cars. Unfortunately, they would probably cover my sticker with the Evolution stickers they are busy removing from their English books.

Today's Kansas Board of Education Member - Mrs. Kathy Martin

2005-08-19T05:32:00.000-07:00

STATE BOARD DISTRICT 6 is proud to present Mrs. Kathy Martin! Kathy has been involved in 4-H leadership, Clay County Fair Board, Farm Bureau committees, and saddle club leadership at the local, state and national levels.

Kathy belongs to Sts. Peter and Paul Catholic Church in Clay Center, where she has served as Parish Council Chairperson, C.Y.O. Sponsor, and is a Eucharistic Minister and Lector. She and her husband, Max, have been married for over 35 years, and have 3 daughters and 8 grandchildren. They reside on, and operate, a diversified farming operation in southeast Clay County.

Isn't it great to see that her mind isn't cluttered by science? It would be a shame to pollute all of those Church responsibilities with as much as a subscription to Journal Information for Organization Science. Who the hell am I kidding? I can tell by looking at her that the V-chip in her TV is working overtime to block the Discovery Channel.

The Onion Examines "Intelligent Falling Theory"

2005-08-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

Snaps to the Onion for their story entitled "Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New "Intelligent Falling Theory."

Today's Kansas Board of Education Member - Mrs. Connie Morris

2005-08-18T05:42:00.000-07:00

Meet Connie Morris. Connie and her husband Kelly farm and ranch and own a plumbing business in St. Francis where they have resided for 12 years. Rather than have any confusion over Connie's upstanding background, I thought it would be best for us to just use a paragraph from her BOE profile page.

"Connie has served on numerous school committees and was a member of the Kansas Behavioral Science Regulatory Board appointed by Governor Graves. Her autobiography, From the Darkness: One WomanÂs Rise to Nobility, has been published by Huntington House Publishers. The book is ConnieÂs story of recovery through Christ from incest, rape, domestic violence, substance abuse, and poverty during her early years in the Appalachian Mountains region."

In her spare time, Connie spends a lot of time by herself thinking about the good old days growing up in the Appalachianan Mountains, playing with her 19 brothers and sisters on the swing set/washing machine combo in the front yard. Connie also spends a lot of time crying and pointing on a doll where her daddy touched her.

Contestant #4 for D.O.A.P.O.W. Week 2

2005-08-18T05:26:00.000-07:00

Meet Paula Homes of Painesville, OH. Paula, pictured here in her lavish mobile home, believes that she has an ultrasound picture of her granddaughter that "may have been sent from Heaven." She says if you turn it upside down, you can see the face of Jesus in the pre-birth image. It's worth noting that her granddaughter is now four years old and she still has this picture hanging on her wall.

It's also worth noting that Paula fails to mention that if you turn the picture on its side, no...its other side...that the image looks strangely similar to the picture she told people last year had an image of a Yetti and Mickey Dolenz playing pool.

For more information about Paula and even more pictures from her ultrasound collection, please visit wkyc.com.

Contestant #3 for D.O.A.P.O.W. Week

2005-08-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

Five Minutes with Carl Everett...is more than you'll really ever need. What follows is a brif excerpt from an article on CNNSI.com.

Carl Everett is a man of conviction. As an Apostolic Christian, he believes that the Bible, interpreted literally, is the infallible authority on all matters. As the cocksure centerfielder for the Boston Red Sox he believes in taking on pitchers and questions alike with the same absolute assuredness. The man plays and talks with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Just ask.

Interleague play? "Don't like it," Everett responds. "They only have it because of two teams [the New York Mets and the New York Yankees]. It's all about the money." Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter? "Not a star." The Mets, one of his former teams? "All those [management] people are hypocrites and idiots." The Atlanta Braves' starting pitchers? "You can run on them all day." Big cities? "Hate 'em. I need space." American League baseball? "Boring." Dinosaurs? "Didn't exist."

Uh, come again?

"God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve," Everett said last Friday, before the Red Sox lost two of three in Atlanta. "The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex."

What about dinosaur bones?

"Made by man," he says.

BTW, Carl also believes that Wrigley Field needs to be "imploded."

I have nothing to add, except a link to fivesevenfive.com, where they have listed some very nice haikus about Carl.

Today's Kansas Board of Education Member - Mrs. Iris Van Meter

2005-08-17T05:53:00.000-07:00

As they say in the Barrio, Iris Van Meter is one crazy biatch. An ardent Republican, she and her husband raise a variety of fruits and vegetables, which they sell from a market located on their farm. Iris graduated from Kentucky Mountain Bible College in 1956 with a degree in Christian Education.

That's about as far as I got in her bio. She is obviously more than qualified to serve on the Board of Education for a state.

Drop Iris a line at vanmeter@terraworld.net. I am sure she would like you to stop by and sample her produce. Don't forget to remind her to rent a copy of Inherit the Wind from Blockbuster. Since the movie is PG rated, it's safe for the whole family and it's still available on VHS. Remember, DVD is the tool of the Devil!

Spotlight on The Kansas Board of Education

2005-08-17T05:42:00.000-07:00

By now you have seen that the State Board of Education in Kansas has approved new science standards that include increasing criticism of the theory of evolution. The final vote was 6-4 in favor of the new curriculum which was advocated by supporters of the theory of 'intelligent design.'

Rather than take this space to bash the Board, I thought it might be more useful if we used the space to highlight one of the board members each day. So, for the next few days, you will find a link to a different BOE member, until we are all done with them. Take a minute to read their amazing bios. Checkout their ardent religious backgrounds, staunch Republican support, and in one case, a members' story "of recovery through Christ from incest, rape, domestic violence, substance abuse, and poverty during her early years in the Appalachian Mountains region."

While you are at the site, I urge you to send them an email. If you have some time, send them a link to the Scopes Monkey Trial. Sure it happened over 80 years ago, but news travels slow in Kansas.

Contestant #2 for D.O.A.P.O.W. Week #2

2005-08-16T05:22:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Lisa Quinn! You are in the running for our Person of the week for week #2! For years the nation had to listen to people like you tell us what we should be letting our children watch on TV. That video games and music need to be lapelled and that the fluoride the government is putting in our water will help them control our minds. Actually, your last point make sense... but anyway, it's time for the few of us that take our meds in the morning to point at you and say a big collective "Holy Fucking Shit, That Bitch is Crazy!"

The Baltimore Sun recently ran a story on people who see religious messages from god on everyday items, like a side of toast. Lisa was lucky enough to be featured in the article. Here's a snippet in case you missed it and don't want to commit to the link put above. "Lisa Quinn was just about to scrape the skillet clean when the odd-shaped bit of half-cooked pancake caught her eye.

Just the night before, the Harford County woman had asked her boys to get out of bed and onto the floor to say their prayers properly. Now her eyes widened at the uncanny rendering of a kneeling figure - hands folded, head bowed, mouth forming a little 'O' - in the semi-cooked clump of Aunt Jemima pancake batter.

To Quinn, whose family had begun to worship in a nondenominational church in Joppa months earlier, the image was an affirmation from on high.

"I think it's definitely a sign," says the 34-year-old mother of three, nodding at the three-week-old artifact that rests next to a porcelain angel atop her bedroom dresser. "As much as we've brought the Lord into our lives the last couple of months, I think it's a miracle."

Later in the article one is confronted with this gem of a passage "Ben Cachiaras, the Quinns' pastor at Mountain Christian, says God reveals himself in several ways: in Scripture and in Jesus, in the changes he works in the lives of his believers and in the good they do in the world.

"For all I know, God is sending out signs in pancakes and grilled-cheese sandwiches," Cachiaras says. "I have no doubt he could, if he wanted to."

That's right, God has decided that all of our current mediums of communication are too mundane and commercial. So he has decided to communicate like any other super human power would, through pancake batter and grilled-cheese sandwiches. I just checked the voice mail on my Cheeze-its, no messages from the Lord...yet.

It's easy to write that last paragraph. Unfortunately, about the time I got to the words "no messages," I realized that these folks have taken control of our country. They have organized in a fashion that most of us never thought possible and that as long as we remain unorganized, the visions they see in toppings on their pizza bites will be dictating the way our government works. "Wow, if I didn't know better, I would swear those pepperoni slices looked like.. oh my god...that's criminal. We need to get these things banned immediately."

Contestant #1 for D.O.A.P.O.W. Week #2

2005-08-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

Chuck Donovan, the Executive Vice President for Family Research Council, is a writer, editor, and policy consultant with three decades of experience in the national debates over the sanctity of life, family issues, and a wide range of other public policy topics.

Chuck also seems to think that his interpretation of the Bible trumps any constitutional laws or thoughts you and I might have. You see, Chuck is also the lead dog at Justice Sunday. Unfortunately for most people, Justice Sunday does not involve steel cage matches or any type of wrestling. Instead it does allow ethically bankrupt folks like Tom Delay yet another opportunity to reach 79 million people to take one more shot at those that won't roll over for him and give him their last dollar. Just look at how Tom and his buddies stood for justice when they "helped" and Indian tribe. If Tom Delay and Bill Frist had their way, every funeral home in America would go out of business and life support machines would be sold at Home Depot.

Justice Sunday II also featured a country artist named Jett Williams. Jett is the illegitimate daughter of Hank Williams. Interestingly enough, Justice Sunday takes shots at what the organization dubs "arrogant judges." Aside from sweet paying gigs like Justice Sunday II, how does Jett afford to keep herself knee deep in Sedgefield jeans and Skoal Bandits? Well, according to her own web site, Jett fought through the court system (all the way to the Supreme Court) to make herself the heir to all of Hank's music. Interesting. I guess it is ok for the courts to find in favor of someone this group likes.

I have to go now to take a shower. All of this "justice" is making me feel dirty.

Person of the Week

2005-08-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

This being our first week of existence, we have to give mad props to Mike Zovath, Vice President of Museum Operations at the Creation Museum located in, you can't make this stuff up, Kentucky.

You see, Mike and his team of "scientists" have set out to create a museum that will "proclaim to the world that the Bible is the supreme authority in all matters of faith and practice and in every area it touches on." This broad statement seems harmless enough, but when you start to dig into things a bit, Mike and his group of hacks believe that dinosaurs were on Noah's Ark and that the ark actually sailed in what is now the Grand Canyon.

Unfortunately, while they are still working on it, Mike's team cannot yet explain:
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Jason Alexander
Sandra Bernhard
Why I can't download this on iTunes.